is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
