Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
