He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
