I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
