You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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