We won't sleep together?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
