I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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