Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
