i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
