any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
