He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
