I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
