I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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