at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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