Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I skipped work to stalk him.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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