Swine flu. Run for my life!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
