R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
