im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
