so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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