12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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