it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He felt like a one man threesome
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
