I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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