Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
