whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
