he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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