i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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