Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think a kid would responsible me up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
