So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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