her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
