i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
