So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
