how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why do cheetos always look like penises
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
