Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
