Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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