That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
