If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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