ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
