The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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