i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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