remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
