Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
did you just send me my own nude
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
