Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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