i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
