I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
