I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
