I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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