I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
