It's Friday. Sex?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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