I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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