I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
