she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
