I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
