I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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