my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
