I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
