I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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