Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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